The Joke's on You
by Fall Out Toy
Summary: A new, extremely skilled burglar makes her way onto the Gotham scene, years after anything eventful has happened. The Joker decides he wants her as a part of his ranks, but finds her difficult to work with afterwards. Due to her ever-changing-personality and sarcastic attitude, she drives everyone mad, including herself. (Set in the Batman world, not a specific movie/comic)
1. A Robber and A Dead Man

**[This is my first real fanfiction, so sorry if it sucks. I would appreciate any reviews, so I can know what to fix about it. Thanks!]**

Gotham has been pretty quiet for a few years. Other than a few robberies, a murder homicide maybe once a year, but no mystery. There weren't any issues. And then she came along, and started everything over again.

"Alright, everybody, give my boys the money and no one gets hurt." It was the third robbery the young woman had been a part of that week. She was good at it. "If someone decides to be brave though, the toddler gets it. Here me?" She had her hand on a little girl's shoulder, and she had a gun against her head.

No one dared move a muscle, unless they were putting money in one of the bags that the men were carrying. It was very quick, the whole robbery was over in less than ten minutes. But so many clean cut robberies got people thinking.

It got the bad guys back in business, because they realized that Batman was gone, and the cops were obviously failing. It only took a matter of months before Gotham was in full swing again, everyone was back. Two-Face, The Riddler, Clayface, everyone. They were back. All but the amazing ringleader of it all, the man himself, The Joker. He had supposedly died, which is when everyone else stopped. Of course, it didn't mean he was _actually_ dead.

The Joker never really died, just like the Batman never really retired. They were both just waiting, one waiting for the chance to cause chaos, the other waiting for the world to go to hell again. It wasn't a surprise to either of them when what they wanted happened. It was Gotham, after all.

He silently a watched a few times, from other buildings, using binoculars. He wanted to know the way she operated; he wanted to get himself in. He didn't want her to realize that he was sabotaging her plan. He knew that she could never do anything to him if he were to be caught, but things would just be easier if she didn't know. He made a list, a list of things the robber always did before he could do his thing.

"Ya know, I always wondered about things when I was a kid." A gunshot into the ceiling, only to get attention. "Listen up, you fuckers! I'm trying to tell a story!"

_Attention seeking gunshot. Likes to make a show instead of going in quietly._

"Now, I was always a great kid." She turned around, looking at everyone in the bank. Her men had already come in, but they weren't taking money yet. She looked sad as she told her story. "But I never had all the nice things everyone else did… They had pretty bikes with all the bells and whistles. Baskets and tassels on the handlebars. I had a rusty thing with flat tires. The girls always had little pink ribbons in their hair, I had piece of cloth that I tore from a shirt that was too small for me."

_Sob Story. What person couldn't feel sorry for her after her ridiculous stories?_

"I hated those sweet little girls with the sparkles and the pink and the ribbons." She looked around at all the people in the room, and found her target. A little girl crying beside her mother. She looked about six years old. The robber quickly went and grabbed the child, pulling her away from her mother and pressing the barrel of the pistol against the kid's head. "Give everything you got to my boys and this little bundle of joy will get to live."

_Threaten a youngster, a girl to be exact._

The Joker watched quietly from the groups of people, he was able to blend in by concealing himself under a coat and a hat, and staying in the shadows. Now, however, that was done. It was time ti get involved. He quickly shed his coat and hat, revealing his purple suit and green hair. He didn't have a little handgun like the other villain, no. He had a shotgun, which he repeatedly shot in the air as he approached the young woman. "Shows over, sweetheart, I'll be taking the money."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She pushed the child away, and faced the Joker. "You can't be serious here. I earned the fucking money, this is my gig. I'm not going to let a Joker imposter take it away from me.

"For once, I actually am serious." His red lips spread into a wide grin. "I'm not an imposter, and, oh yeah, if you try to stop me, I'll kill all of your men, and every last person in this building." He opened his suit jacket, revealing several bombs, all rigged to one string, that he could pull very easily.

"Why would I care if any of those people die?"

"Darling, if every last person in this building dies, don't you think that includes me and you?" He continued smiling, and looked around the room. "Now, everyone! You're under new command. Here's what's going to happen, my gang is going to come in here, and kill all of you. It won't hurt though, they've got good aim."

"You can't kill all of them, you fucking psychopath." The robber shook her head, and gripped her gun a little tighter, ready to protect herself against shooters.

"Watch me." He snapped his fingers, and about twenty men carrying guns and wearing clown masks entered the building. "Shoot everyone that isn't one of us… That includes the men with the money, kill them and take it. Just don't hurt our new associate."

"Hey, no, you can't kill my guys!" She took a few steps forward, only to have the shotgun pointed at her.

"Ah, ah, ah." The Joker shook his head and tutted the girl. "Like I said, you try to stop me, we all go down. So you can stop right now."

And then the gunshots started. The room was filled with screaming and panic.

"Don't you people know how to act in a shooting?" The Joker sighed. "Now you see, my little robber, this is what you don't do if someone is trying to shoot you. You don't run around like these idiots. If you run, the shooter can't get a good aim, and you're going to have to get shot multiple times before you actually die. It takes longer and it is much more painful."

"_Your_ little robber?" She shook her head again, more upset by the fact that the Joker had claimed her than she was about anything else. "Since when do I belong to you?"

"Oh, yes, I forgot." The Joker lowered his gun and got uncomfortably close to the robber. "I'm taking you, along with the money. You're going to work for me from now on, I don't care if you want to or not. You're mine now, and that's that." He smiled again, laughing a bit with it.

The screams seemed to have quieted down. The robber looked around to realize that everyone in the room was dead, except the clown masks, herself, and the Joker. "That was quick."

"My boys have good handiwork." The Joker shrugged. "It really isn't that big of a deal, we've done much worse, killed much bigger crowds."

"I'm sure you have." She nodded and took another look around. She'd never seen so many corpses, and now she was wishing she hadn't. She felt sick. "How can you kill so many people and not feel guilty?"

"What can I say?" The Joker laughed maniacally, he seemed to be glowing after the massacre.

"Boss! We got a live one over here, a kid." One of the masks was holding a little blonde girl by the arm. A little girl with pink ribbons in her hair. The one robber had threatened to kill.

"Kill her." The Joker said simply.

"No, wait, I'll do it." Robber looked to the Joker for approval, she was quite afraid to do something without his permission at the moment.

"Fine. Let our friend do it." The Joker wasn't sure what the robber was up to, but he knew that it ought to be good. "Go put the money away. I'll stay here and supervise her."

The robber slowly walked over the the child, and knelt in front of her. "Honey, I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to have to kill you."

"No, please, my daddy is at home…" The little girl shook her head, tears were running down her cheeks.

"Shhh, look, it won't be bad. You'll get to go be with your mommy." The robber put hr hand over the little girl's cheek. "Sweetie, what's your name?"

"Roxxy."

"Well, Roxxy, I'm going to make this really easy, ok?" The robber waited for Roxxy to respond before doing anything else.

"Yeah."

"I'm going to fix your ribbons, so you can look really pretty, and then I'm going to count to three, and I'll give you a little shot. It won't hurt, but you'll feel really tired. And then you'll go to sleep, and when you wake up, you'll be with your mommy, and she'll see your pretty ribbons." The robber carefully began doing what she said she was going to do. She retied the ribbons in the little girl's hair. She made them even, in perfect little bows.

"Why did you do bad things?" Roxxy asked quietly.

"When I was your age, some very bad things happened to me. My daddy, he didn't love me. He liked to hit me, or burn me, or cut me. I was always hurt, and it changed the way my head works. And then when I was a little bit older, I wanted pretty ribbons, just like yours. But my parents couldn't afford to buy me pretty ribbons, so I didn't get anything nice. I got hit every time I asked for them." Robber sighed and sat down in front of the girl. "When bad things happen to people, the people become bad. That's why I have to kill you, something very bad happened to you today, and I don't want you being lime me when you're my age."

"Why did your daddy hit you?"

"I don't know."

"Oh."

"Yeah." The robber nodded, and took a syringe from her pocket. She removed the cap, and smiled weakly. "Okay baby, here's the hard part. You have to promise me you won't cry, because if you cry this is going to be a lot harder for both of his."

The Joker watched, he was amused, but also slightly confused. He could tell how hard it was for his new employee to kill the kid. To kill the kid she had already had a gun pointed at.

"I won't cry, I promise." Roxxy nodded, and looked at the needle.

The robber pressed the needle against Roxxy's skin. "One, two, three." She quickly poked the needle through, pressing down the plunger, and pulling the syringe out. "All done."

"Am I going to die now?"

"Well, you're going to go to sleep first, it won't hurt at all, I promise." The robber was fighting tears herself. She had difficulty killing one little girl, yet the man behind her had killed the entire bank. "Are you feeling tired?"

"Yeah, I just got sleepy." Roxxy nodded, there was fear in her little blue eyes. "I don't want to die."

"No one does, baby doll." The robber pulled the little girl towards her, and stood up with the child in her arms. "It's going to be okay though, I promise. Just close your eyes."


	2. Welcome To The Joker's Hideout

**[Note: This chapter is a little shorter than the first. I was tired and didn't have the time to write as much. Will make it up to you with next chapter! The robber's Villain name and costume will be revealed! (If I get the costume done.) ]**

The robber was gentle as she laid the little body on the ground. Despite her threats, she'd never killed anyone before, and she hadn't planned on starting. Now if she ever caught she knew she would be jailed for life.

Honestly, she was ready to turn herself in.

"Are you done yet?" The Joker tapped his foot impatiently, clearly ready to leave. He was unhappy that the girl he had hoped would be his new partner was actually just as weak as anybody else. She was just a very good actress. "We're leaving."

"I'm not going to go anywhere with you. You're a sick man, and I don't feel it would be very smart of me to associate myself with you." She stood up from the ground, and dusted herself off. "You can leave, take all the money, I don't care. But I refuse to go anywhere with you."

"Here's the thing, my little robber, you're going to come with me right now, and we're going to go back to my hideout." Joker frowned and began walking to the door. "I would recommend you come with me."

"What are you going to do if I don't?"

"This building blows up in two minutes." He shrugged. "You don't have enough time to get away from here safely. You'll either be killed or get dangerously close to so if you don't come with me. If you live, you'll get arrested, too, so, I would recommend you come with me. Your choice though."

"I'd rather be killed or arrested, thank you very much." The robber stood her ground, she wasn't going to break in. "You are too insane of a person to go with. I might be safer in the explosion."

The Joker didn't say another word. He just silently exited the building, going out to the car that was waiting for him. He had expected the robber to come after him within a few seconds, but she didn't. She was serious about not wanting to go with him. He was forced to go to plan B. He looked at his little gang, and frowned. "I think I saw some people moving, and heard some groaning. You all need to go finish your job." He then pointed to one of the men closest to him. "And you, shoot our friend with this, and bring her to me." He tossed what looked like a pistol to the man. And then he waited.

It took about a minute for the clown-masked man to come back carrying an uncouncious burglar. The rest were still inside. The Joker was careful as he took the robber and laid her down in the backseat of the car, surrounded by bags of money. The car was filled with it, save the front seats. It still wasn't as much as he had usually gotten, but it wasn't his work… The girl didn't have the technology to get into safes.

"Congratulations, you got me the thing we came here for. You get to live tonight." The Joker was grinning once again as he looked at the other man. "Get in the car. We need to get out of here before the cops realize that the hospital was a distraction…"

"But boss, what about everyone else?" It sounded like he was frowning under his mask. "What's going to happen to them?"

"As soon as we're far enough away, the bank will go up in flames." The Joker opened the driver's door, and got in the car.

"But they all were helping you, you can't do that."

"Obviously, I have to. You're all idiots, including yourself. You've taken to long now, and I don't really want you to live." The Joker put the key in the ignition and turned it. "See you in hell." He put his foot down on the gas pedal, and sped away. After a few seconds, he heard the explosion in the background.

The Joker drove the rest of the way in silence, there was no need to speak. He thought a lot though, and he realized how eager he was to get his new toy home. He was going to dress her up, and train her to get over her stupid emotions, like guilt and pity. God, were those worthless things to feel, they never helped anyone. He smiled to himself, glancing back at the girl. She was smarter than Harley, that was for sure. Not that Harley hadn't been smart, she was just ditsy, overly attached, and easily upsetted. How he was going to love having a girl around again, one with such talent and naivety would be easy to use, and had lots to offer. Oh, the ways he could use the robber! He could think of fifty in that very moment.

"Go back to sleep, Fae..." The robber told herself, rolling over and burying her face in a soft pillow. She didn't want to get up yet, she still felt way too tired, and the nightmare from the night before hadn't allowed her much sleep. It was a horrible nightmare, a bank robbery gone wrong. The worst villain ever to roam Gotham had decided to drop by and kill everyone, and take all of her money. Not only that, but he tried to take her to... The dead man with the white face and the green hair had tried to take her. It was the worst nightmare she'd ever had.

"I heard that, so there is no point in trying to go back to sleep." The Joker stood from his chair in the corner of the small bedroom, and walked to the bed. It only took about two strides. He took a hand full of violet hair and pulled on it, enough to make sure the girl couldn't go back to sleep.

"Ow!" She instinctively swatted at whatever was holding her hair. She knew it was a man, because of his voice, but she didn't really know who he was. She must've crashed somewhere, because her own place wasn't safe. Not if the police knew she was a robber. "You can't just pull someone's hair. Get some fucking manners."

"You killed a little girl earlier, you'r hair being pulled should be the least of your worries right now." He released her hair, instead moving his gloved hand to her chin, forcing her to look at him. "We have work to do, I've let you sleep for at least five hours, you should be well rested now."

"You're dead, and I didn't hurt anybody. I've only threatened the kids, never hurt them." She shook her head, trying to convince herself she was still dreaming. "None of this is real, okay? I can control my dreams, so you need to leave. I'm imagining you."

"Don't deny what happened, it will only make things harder for you." Joker squeezed her face a little, proving that he was very real. "You aren't asleep. You're awake, and you're here, and you need to get out of this bed, because you're first night as my assistant is coming up fast. In three days I expect you to be able to do a lot, and you're not going to learn anything by sitting here."

A sigh came from the pale lips of the girl on the bed, and she propped herself up on her elbows. "Look, you could've just given me a minute to adjust. I've just been kidnapped, and taken from my own robbery." She looked at the bed, the silky sheets were nicer than she had expected. She'd never thought of the Joker as a man with good taste. She also had never thought he would be the type to undress someone when they were sleeping, but that was apparently wrong, because she could tell her arms were bare. The sheets her soft against her skin, much softer than he jacket had been. "And may I ask why I'm naked? Were

"You aren't naked. I left you with enough dignity, bra and panties intact." The joker pulled the sheet away, once again urging her to get out of bed. "I had to get rid of your clothes. You weren't concealing your identity by wearing them, they had to go. I'm not going to lie though, the view was very nice. I've missed woman dearly since my departure from the world."

"You couldn't wait until I was awake?"

"Like I said, I missed the sight of a woman. I knew you wouldn't allow me to see you if you were awake. I wasn't going to wait if I didn't have to." The Joker shrugged and smiled, showing his teeth. "I have a feeling I won't have to wait long before I see the rest of you, but that is beside the point of everything. You need to get up, because we have some things to do.

"Fine." She swung her legs over the side of the bed, and stood up slowly. The floor was freezing, it was bare concrete. "Are you happy now? I got up."

"No matter how much I would like to watch you stand there in lingerie all day, no. I'm not." The Joker looked the girl's body over once more before turning around. "Get dressed, I'm sure you'll find something suitable for a budding villain."


	3. Notes (Bonus 1)

**[This is not a chapter... This is kind of like bonus section. I'm sick and writing takes some thought. Sorry!]**

_She is quite an interesting character, my little robber. She hates men, and hates girls that haven't reached their teens. Anyone else is fine. Boys that aren't yet grown, and woman that look like, well, woman, are fine. It's just those two groups she hates. She can't stand either of them. Luckily for me, it's a subconscious thing she has. Because of the way I look, she doesn't identify me as a man. However, I've been testing her. She also doesn't identify Batsy as an enemy. The mask covers too much of his face to set that thing off in her head. _

_I have some people working on something to control her switch though. A drug or a device, that I can easily use to make that little subconscious thing of hers hate whoever I want. I'm thinking Hatter might come up with such a thing. He's good with the mind._

_I haven't run into any problems with her yet, except that she feels uncomfortable around me. It might be because I have her held here, without her having a choice. I think, though, that it is because she's never felt what it's like to be wanted. She's scared of it. I very clearly want her, in more ways than one, and she can tell. She's scared of what that could actually mean._

_She also seems to have an obsession with balance. Fairness and that type of stuff. She told me that I'm not actually a bad person; she said that I'm simply keeping the balance. According to her, for every honest man I've killed, I've also killed someone who deserves it. Meaning I've equaled myself out. I like that idea. It's not just that though, she also makes sure everything is even. No odd numbers allowed, no one is allowed more than anybody else. For every good, there is a bad. For every dark, there is light. She's very strict about it._

The Joker sighed, and set down his pen. He looked up to see the person that was the subject of his writing. "Hello." He leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head. "What do you want? I'm busy."

"I'm bored." She replied, shrugging. "It's boring here. You kidnapped me, and all you've done is watch me, and take notes on every little thing I do. It hasn't helped me at all, it isn't at all what I thought it would be. I thought I would be training and working with weapons and stuff. But I'm not. All I've done is sat in bed and cooked you dinner."

"Well maybe you should go do something then." He looked around the room for something to keep her occupied, but he didn't see much. He spent most of his time planning things out, he really didn't have much.

"I've cleaned this entire place, and that is about all there is to do here."

_Easily bored. _He added to the notes, before standing up. "You're almost worse than Harley…" He shook his head and made his way out of the room, expecting his robber to follow. "Come on, I might have something for you to do, that you might consider training."


End file.
